LIVE FROM THE WEB PAGE OF CARMAN DECK...
Well I have returned, sorry it has taken me so long to add any thing to my page, but sometimes itís hard to come up with things to say. A few friends have asked me to put something on my web site about my childhood and growing up years. Well that isnít a very pretty picture and there are a lot of people in prison who have had a rough childhood. Many use that to get people to feel sorry for them or as an excuse. Well thatís why I havenít put any thing on my page about my childhood, because I donít want people to think Iím using that as an excuse or to feel sorry for me. Iím not here because of the things I experienced as a child. I have found and read the web page of the family members of the victims in my case.
They say they started their page because I have one. Then they go into a story of who the deceased was. I understand their pain and grief 100%. They make it as though Iím a human without any emotion. Well I have very much emotion. I am truly sorry that they have so much hatred for me.
I canít convince them that I am innocent, because they need some one as a punching bag and Iím their candidate. I accept that. If they only knew half the truth, they would see that Iím not the monster they have labeled me to be. They say the truth will take one far I this world, but the funny thing is, thatís not true at all. Some times itís hard for people to face the truth and they wont. Itís never easy to deal with the loss of someone. I as many others, have experienced the loss of a loved one. Many by the hand of another. We ask our selves why and there really isnít an answer. We just have to deal with it in our own way. I am sorry about the loss and pain that the Long family are experiencing.
They had some thing that I never did. Iím not asking them to forgive me, for I didnít do what they believe I did. But it isnít my place to convince them. I just ask that God bless them and help them to deal with and show them the truth some day. I know their thoughts about me arenít nice and their pain is extreme.
If I could take it all away, I would. Thatís the person I am.
There are a lot of people who know me and very few who know the inside of me. Itís something that I felt belonged to that select few.
I know it would be hard, but if they would take just a moment to get to know me, they would see that Iím not what they think. But maybe thatís too much to ask. Maybe itís easier for them to hate me. I can only say, if you want to see the truth, look inside your self. For it will lead you to me. I want to help you understand, but you must give me the chance. I think that is a reasonably request. Well I guess that is it for this time.
I thank those who visit my page and get something
from it. May some day we have peace in this cruel world. Peace and love