My anger is a cover up
A coat
A cloak
A cape
Worn by the black hole of fear
Which resides within
A gravity well
Sucking in every shining
Ray of hope
Every once of laughter
All positive energies
Leaving behind it a vacuum of
Despair and
It is a façade
A Masque
A pretense
That there is no ravenous monster raging within
Trying to empty out my essence as if removing
Seeds from a melon
Devouring any and all
Initiative and
Vitality that it might happen across
I name thee Destroyer of Love and of Trust
Soulless leech, draining away the life’s blood
Bringer of Isolation
And Desolation
Poisoner and poison of muscles and of nerve, Who
Leaves behind Thee paralysis as Thy dower
Thou are a tall and forbidding wall that surrounds me
Of Limitations
Of Impossibility and
Of Restrictions
Impeding all progress I might make
Allowing nothing in
And nothing out
Finally, now
I am tired
Of Running
Of Hiding
Of Destruction
I turn and face thee and the realization comes
You are not a wall, but a Door
To Possibilities
To Solutions
To Answers
A Door which only I can open
My questions are the keys to do the unlocking
Whose bidding do you do
What are you hiding
When was “someday” going to happen
Where do you come from
How do I end you, and
Why should I allow you to haunt me any longer
As I ask these questions and the countless offspring
They engender
As answers make themselves known
As Possibilities arise and
As solutions spring into existence
Changes within me occur
Shifts in,
Perspective and
The kaleidoscope is turning
As a new picture emerges
I can now give myself permission
To Change
To Challenge and
To Confront the old fears and limitation
Now, lessons I am learning of
Healing and
Forgiveness, most especially of myself
And now I come to the heart of the matter,
Mine and that of this fear
And realize the only connection between them
Are the one I have allowed to flourish
Fear, I name you an Illusion
And bid you fade away
Then I walk through your tattered remnants
Into the light you hide

Richard Cartwright
September 3, 2003